dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
