I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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