i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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