YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I hate all girls vehemently.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
