the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
