i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize