Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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