You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
