Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
