Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
