went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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