We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize