I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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