i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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