i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
