Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
