You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
