i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
