I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
