So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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