Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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