Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
