Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize