oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
All the doctor said was why
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
