i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
