ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
