You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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