Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
