Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
