Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
