a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
