I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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