My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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