My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
