Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
