grandma shit on top of the toilet
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
