I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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