3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
