omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I am midnight drunk by noon
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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