im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize