after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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