Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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