Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
