Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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