I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
