i was born a porn star she said
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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