Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
