Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
