Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
no, he came in my armpit
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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