I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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