I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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