toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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