there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
