just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Drake has all the answers
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
