Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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