Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
