pedialite and red bull = repair kit
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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