i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he shaved USA in his pubs
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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