You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize