Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
