Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
