Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize