He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize