Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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