I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
