So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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