Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also, beer. Big fan.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
