I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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