I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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