I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
